Friday, December 29, 2006

Evil Stepmother Support Group

Have you seen this?
What's Wrong with Cinderella?

If you're reading this blog, chances are 50/50 that my princess rant is what drew you here. Peggy Orenstein is a smart gal, although I don't agree with her on every point. But the feeling, the sense of what the heck is happening here is very familiar. I dislike the brat fad. I'm never going to be ok with my children advertising their worst fears about themselves (or mine) on their T-shirts. The feminism argument isn't as tough for me, I guess because my little girls were born already so self-possessed I've never worried about them basing their worth on a man or caving to a man's wishes. I sort of wish they would bend to mine, honestly. A little bit of Snow White would be a nice change, to me.

What do you think about princesses? Can they be good? Is it just merciless marketing to our tender children? Are they teaching our kids to be weak? To believe in something that isn't true? Tell me!

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 8:56 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

All servers are up...

So you may not realize that I'm this geeky, but I play a MMORPG. See, that was geeky even saying that, huh? But I do. This one. It's basically a very elaborate version of "let's pretend." And I love it.

So they bring down the servers for "maintenance" every so often, to upgrade content in the make-believe world and to fix problems. They used to call these "patches" but now they call them "updates." Sounds more professional and less like we're in a leaky boat.

There is a website you can check to see when your particular server/world is back up and running. But it's funny the way they do this. It says:
All servers are up except for:
...and then lists every single one.

Until yours comes off the list, you can't play. So I'm watching this list off and on, thinking I want to play. And I think, I should use this tactic. It's very optimistic. Like, the glass is half-full, you know?

I should post a list that says,
All rooms are clean except for:
Boys Bedroom
Downstairs Bathroom
Entry Way
Family Room
Girls Bedroom
Kitchen
Laundry Room
Master Bedroom
Stairs
Study
Upstairs Bathroom

What do you think?

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 4:45 PM :: 2 Comments:

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To Spammers

I do not want to invest in penny stocks. No matter what the promised return.

I am not going to transfer money to help someone in Africa who addresses me as "sir" or "friend" or even "friend in Christ".

I like my penis the way it is, i.e. non-existent. I do not want to enlarge it or impress women. I do not care if my friends in the locker room are making fun of me. If they have penises, they should be in a different locker room anyway. Twin pills strike me as especially dangerous.

I do not want to deal with prescription drug services that offer Christmas specials.

I'm not interested in weight loss drugs, herbs or all-natural-proven-celebrity-trusted remedies. Anatrim and Hoodia especially...I want nothing to do with.

And finally.

I don't want a watch. At all. Ever.

Did I miss anything?

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 3:39 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Sassy Lime gets elfed

Many of you know my sister, The Sassy Lime.

You may have noticed that she is gorgeous.
And she photographs well.
And did I mention, she's married to her own paparazzi?

Jealousy lead me to do this.
I hope it makes her laugh all Christmas long.

The Sassy Elf

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 8:37 AM :: 7 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

He makes me laugh

I was having a lousy day today. One of those, crappy, lame, feel-like-a-failure days. And then as I was helping little E sit on the potty, he did what only he can do.

He farted and grinned. I did my duty as mother-and-civilizer. "That's just a little gas," I said.

He laughed and said, "Who's the gas man?" in the same tone people say, "Who's your daddy?"

And miracle of miracles. I laughed.

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 9:34 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Saturday, December 09, 2006

Bias, anyone?

This made me laugh. One of our city's two large newspapers has changed editors. Here are the headlines and stories:
New editor named for the News
GOP insider Cannon to lead Morning News

Different perspectives, for sure. These two papers have been battling it out for 150 years. Mormon and anti-Mormon have grown into conservative and...well, not as conservative. It's still Utah. And if you're thinking, well, in MY town we only have one paper, not this childish squabbling...

You're only getting half the story.

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 12:20 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Hole in the Head

Like a hole in the wall, but the wall won.

Child jumps on couch. Child bashes head against wall. Child screams violently. "It's blooding!"

Edge carries child to sink. Blood is, in fact, pulsing from the wound. Blond Hunk holds dishtowel to child's head. Child asks for bath.

Edge looks for sterile gauze, and finding none (how does a first aid kit run out of 4x4 gauze?) sticks a maxi pad to child's head. It is clean and absorbent.

Blond Hunk is concerned child might be embarrassed later in life at wearing a maxi pad on his head. "More than about being struck from behind by a wall?"

Rock paper scissors are used to determine who will take child to Urgent Care.

Child's head stops pulsing blood and begins a slow seep. Blood is washed out of hair and a small cut is assessed.

Edge (loser of RPS) determines no stitches are needed. Child again asks for bath.

Flashlight game is invented, in which Edge and Child take turns shining a flashlight in each other's eyes. Child's pupils react normally. Or so it seems now that Edge is blind.

Child is bathed. Bleeding stops. Child's head receives a new maxi pad and burn wrappings to hold it on.

Edge takes picture rather than going to Urgent Care. Blond Hunk watches video much more sympathetically.

Next day, child wakes up and Blond Hunk asks, "How's your head?"

Child feels back of head and notes, "There's still a hole in my head, but no more blooding."

Well, that's the important thing.

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 11:35 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Turkey Cheese Ball

No, this is not about an ex-boyfriend.

In the month of November, the #1 search for this blog was:

turkey
shaped
cheese
ball

Four little words. That mean so much.

Because they would have been disappointed. I had a post about turkey, and shaped jell-o and a cheese ball. But not a turkey shaped cheese ball. And so, as a gift to them, I give you:
The Turkey Shaped Cheese Ball:
As you can see, it's just a regular cheese ball, with a turkey face made of cardstock and wheat thin feathers.

Give thanks, you turkeys.

Posted by Sarah Jean :: 11:23 AM :: 0 Comments:

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